finally!
imagine this scenario: you get a *911* call to show up for *the BIG audition — huge commercial! YOU ARE PERFECT!’ and of course, it’s in S.F. [you live in Sacramento] it’s an on-camera audition and you have about 2.5 hours to get there [including parking].
after re-arranging everything on your schedule including after-school and dinner arrangements for your two elementary-school-age children…while changing into something audition-worthy…gassing up…hitting the freeway [knowing you’ll arrive in S.F. just in time for the commute traffic…omg]…
park. find the studio. go to the wrong studio. find the right studio.
blow. in.
check-in…apologize for being 15 minutes late…
wait…try to get grounded…
walk through door into room with a camera and a handful of smartly, fashionably dressed *people*…the only one i can focus on is the camera-operator [?]…
BLINKING RED LIGHT…slate… my name… SMILE! forward “audrey wells”… turn for profile, SMILE! turn back to camera for *prompt*…
camera operator (smiling): So! What do you do for fun, Audrey?
me:
[i’m GOBSMACKED. when gobsmacked go MUTE.]
me: …oh…RIGHT! …uh…you mean…uh…hmmm. fun? you mean…
camera operator (still smiling only harder): yea, you know. FUN. like what’s fun for you? RED LIGHT IS STILL BLINKING…
me: ohright.sure. yea…fun.what’s funfunfun for me. uh…
[having a petit psycho-meltdown as now MY INNER VOICE is screaming and laughing at me…OMG…hohohoo…you are such a loser…you don’t even know you’re miserable OR you’re every waking moment must be FUN since you can’t answer this question…OMGomgomg]
camera operator and BLINKING RED LIGHT: [tic, toc]
me: sure, of course. i like to drive…uh…with my boyfriend… uh… with the top down…it’s…you know…sooooo much… FUN?
END SCENE PLEASE FFS.
so thank you, Kris, i love your work…and when i saw this today…my god…i RELIVED that audition [AGAIN] as THAT QUESTION on that day at that time of my life and under those circumstances…as you can see… has stayed with me all these years…and TODAY i can officially LET IT BE as there is AT LEAST one other person on the planet [haven’t read the comms yet :)] who believes THAT is one of the STUPIDEST QUESTIONS an earthling can ask another earthling [especially with a GD camera rolling… fuggettaboutanaudition FFS, right?]!!! :)
happy sunday, y’all.
